My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
