note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
