Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
