I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
