3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
40s are totally the cure
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
