afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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