i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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