just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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