How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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