8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
