you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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