I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
