I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
