Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
