Banned from zoo.
Again?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
