I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
