i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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