i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
