Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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