OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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