I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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