my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
