We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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