Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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