So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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