I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
