have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
