we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need water and some morals
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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