If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
