Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
