I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
