i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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