She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
