She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
