I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
