Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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