"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
