i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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