sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina just recognized that song.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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