I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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