It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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