Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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