Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
