4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
