I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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