You're completely useless in the revolution.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
