Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
