I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
