The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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