Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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