We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
