Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
