This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
