hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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